I was an Arrogant Jerk

I am still.

Before I became a Christian, I was a know it all. I knew everything about everything, and I enjoyed letting people know. I didn't like people, so I didn't talk much. But when I did, I made sure to let everyone in the room know how smart I was.

In many ways I am still like that. Hard to tell what is habit, what is nature (and is it nature that is ok, or nature that needs to be changed?)

Now, I am seeing the working of the Holy Spirit in my life. My former major temptation to sin are nearly dead. Of course, this only makes my former lesser temptations all the more obvious...

We are all saints (Col 1:2). As the Holy Spirit works on us, our outward expression of sin is often the first thing to go. This can make one appear to be "more Godly" than his brother. We must resist the temptation to create "super-Christians". And Protestants are just a susceptible as Catholics (ask most "truly reformed" about John Macarthur, or Charles Spurgeon).

Please read the excellent post at Pyromaniacs, "Much of my former obduracy remains".

A Mouthful of Ashes

The local church I attend is called Hope (not a particularly unique name, but a good one).

Jesus Christ is the only real hope in the world.

Let me expand:
1. The universe is running down (entropy). Eventually everything, everywhere will die. There is no hope in the (long term) future.

2. Humans are fallible, and will ultimately let you down, hurt you, forget you, etc.

3. Human government is made up of fallible humans, and will generally be worse than individuals. Uncaring, unjust, and blaming it all on the system.

4. We can't even rely on ourselves. Cobra Commander used to say, "Trust no one, not even yourself." (yes, I quoted Cobra Commander) But the fact is, you'll let yourself down. Can you cheer you up, when you are down? Can you bail you out when you run out of money?

I sometimes have to keep from laughing when debating atheists who assume the debate is symmetrical. That is, that I can convert them to Christianity, and they can convert me to atheism.

That I, having smelt the endless feast from God; would trade it for a mouthful of ashes.

What is Evil?

One of the reasons I started this blog, was to help myself deal with the problems of my everyday life. Of course, it doesn't always show very clearly. My first posts try to approach the subject at an angle, but generally veer off.

The question is "What is Evil?" Not Hitler/Pol Pot/Darfur big, sweeping kind of evil -- I mean the little things that happen everyday to make life miserable.

From a Biblical point of view, we are all evil. None is good but God, all have fallen short. Ok, but other people lying and lusting and other things doesn't really bother me (personally) that much. I'm upset that people live in sin, and I desire for them to repent and be saved, but they aren't hurting me.

It's your family that can really hurt you. What they say has a way of getting around your defenses. It sticks in your mind, and makes you dwell on it. You want them to be caring and supportive.

Ok, but, ultimately, you can't rely on what other people think about you for your happiness.

But things can go a step further, I'm going to take a huge leap and propose a definition for evil:

Evil is making other people pay the price for your free choice.

I think I've got something here. It's probably not perfect.

For example, a president declares war, the young men of the country will pay with their lives. Is the president evil?

I would say "no", as long as it is a "just" war. In that case, though, is the president really making a "free" choice? To some extent, he (or she) has a duty to engage in a just war. So, maybe the definition is ok.

And this has a Biblical implication. We are evil, because we make God pay the price for our sins. All the more so, if we continue in sin. And to expand on "What is love" (I think), love is to pay this price anyway (within reason).

Bad Theology

Growing up, I went to Catholic CCD class most every week. When I went to Catholic school (for six years), I had a religion class every day. But it didn't "take". It just didn't seem real. It didn't seem to make a difference in the lives of my parents or the people I knew. I didn't "get" the theology.

Perhaps the biggest influence on my theology growing up was the "The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, the Unbeliever" (Stephen R. Donaldson).

Now, these are not books on theology. They are fantasy adventure books (not unlike "The Lord of the Rings"). The main character (Thomas Covenant) is an average man in our world (kind of a loner/loser, one of the last cases of leprosy in the modern world). But (once per book), he is transported to a fantasy world where he is a hero. He rallies the forces of good to fight an epic struggle against evil.

In one of the books, Thomas meets the "god" of the fantasy world (while in our world), a weak old man. Thomas asks why the fantasy world is so dominated by one particularly powerful evil guy (Lord Foul). The old man tells him that the fantasy world is a prison for Lord Foul. The old man defeated him earlier, and for him to interfere directly now would release Lord Foul to ravage other worlds (ours included).


For some reason this "stuck" with me. I figured our world was a prison for Satan, and God was unable to do much to help us. Not particularly good theology, kind of a recipe for disaster. But there it is.

Note: I had read "The Lord of the Rings" earlier. It wasn't obvious to me that Tolkien was a Christian. I didn't learn that until recently (when the movies came out). I find Tolkien to be a weaker story teller. His is credited with "world building" (creating a compelling fantasy system of peoples) more than writing compelling characterization and plot.

Giving Thanks

Looking at my life, you might think I don't have a lot to give thanks for. But giving thanks isn't something for once a year, it's something for every day.

I'm thankful for:

• oxygen
• warmth
• a roof over my head
• water
• food
• a job
• friends
• a good church where God's Word is boldly proclaimed and taught

And most of all, I'm thankful that God gave His Son so that I could be reconciled to Him.

Ray Comfort is my Daddy

The apostle Paul often uses the term "son" for those whom he has brought to faith. To some extent, the person who brings you to saving faith is your spiritual parent (or maybe midwife is a better analogy).

That makes Ray Comfort (and Kirk Cameron) my spiritual father.

As I mentioned earlier, I grew up Catholic. Later, I spent about two years as a false convert (to Christianity - I "asked Jesus into my heart"). While studying the Way of the Master material, I discovered I had never properly heard the Good News.

Ray has a new blog! The man must never sleep! :)

Baptism

Today is my Baptism. A little googling will reveal I have been posting on Christian topics for three or four years now. And as my testimony says, I got saved just under two years ago. There's a long story to all that, and to why it's taken so long for me to get baptized. I'll probably get to it eventually, among other topics.

But today, I'd like to post some of my testimony:

"Growing up, I figured everything was right between me and God. I didn't steal, curse, smoke, or drink. I went to (a Catholic) church, and when I met my wife, I went to her church, were I was told I needed to get right with God, and I 'asked Jesus into my heart'.

I was told I was born again, but my life didn't change. It was while I was trying to live up to my supposed new life, that I finally came to understand I am not a good person in the eyes of God.

I realized that I was really blaspheming God when I called myself a Christian, but was no different than people in the world. That my evil thoughts and intentions made me just as guilty before God as people who carry out these thoughts. I didn't act out my sin, but it was very real inside me.

I struggled with God for some time. My pride kept me from really trusting Him. But, almost two years ago, I finally got down on my face and put my trust in God. I turned from my sin, and put on Jesus as my savior."